the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
