A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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