i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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