My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
