New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
