I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
