so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize