I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
