Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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