No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
