Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
