Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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