I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
