Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
