R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
