she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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