I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
