You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
