I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize