Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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