so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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