I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
