Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
that's an acceptable place to lick
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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