Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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