I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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