he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
