You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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