My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize