good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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