You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
