She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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