I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
