I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
