I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
