And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize