I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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