On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
