She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
