well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
