You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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