I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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