I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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