Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
