I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
