I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
