Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i don't like sucking hair
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This is the high leading the old right now
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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