ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
