Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
