i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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