Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken