I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.