I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.