so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!