My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.