I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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