her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
