So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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