She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.