so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.