Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.