When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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