I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just gargled with NyQuil