just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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