This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
