none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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