come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
