Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
