I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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