In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
