do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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