i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
